Higher Purpose

I feel that there is a higher purpose for my life. I’m not sure at this point what that purpose is, but I know that I will find what my purpose is. I am not going to rush figuring out what is my higher purpose in life; it will find me when it is time for me to know. I guess I could go on without every really knowing my higher purpose. Or in another way I could never know it but be living it without knowing that it is my higher purpose.

For the longest time I thought my higher purpose had to do with helping people. I always thought that I would even up in a career where I would be helping people. I have always put others feeling before my own.

I think that it shapes me in the way that I interact with other people. I always seem to find a way to make other people’s day better even when I am having a really horrible day. I want to help others in any way that I can. I don’t like seeing others in pain or being sad. At the same time I know that I can’t take all of their problems away. I want to at least show them that even when life is kicking you down that there is always something happy that can come from the situation.

My top strengths are honesty, perseverance, teamwork, curiosity, and kindness. With these strengths I can figure out what my higher purpose in life is. I have always been a very honest person, I was raised not to lie to people even it is to save face. It’s better to say the thing that everyone is thinking then to be the most liked person. With perseverance I will never give up when I am faced with a problem. Even when I struggle with a problem, I can hold on because I was raised to never ever give up. I love working in teams, I feel that I work best when I can use others to backboard ideas off. I feel that with teams bring out the best out of everyone on the team. I am a very curios person. When something doesn't make sense to I am the person to ask “why?”. I think that you should always be nice to others even when they have done wrong to you. With all of these strengths I know that I will figure out what the plan for my life is. 

Gratitude

If it wasn't for the people in my life I would not be to where I am today. Not only in the sense of being at Texas Lutheran but also in the sense of who I am today. Because of my family pushing me to grow and question life.

The person in whom I am most grateful for is my mom. If it wasn't for her I would probably be still be the small quiet girl in the corner who never questioned anything. I would as probably be back home at a community college because I was too scared to even apply to a university because there was no way that I could get into college.

My mom has always been the driving force behind me. When I was having trouble in school because of being dyslexic my mom was the person who would stay up throughout the night to help me with my homework. She is person who has instilled in me that I can do anything if I just put my mind to it. It’s all a matter of how you look at the problem.

On a daily basic I feel grateful for the friends that I have made for here. They have helped me through some tough situations while we have been here. They have been there whenever I needed something. I am pretty sure that if I hadn't befriended them that I would be going home at the end of this semester. And I know that I would be failing all of my classes.

I know that being grateful can help you be more successful in college. I know this because if we didn’t have something to be grateful then why do we try to be successful in life at all. I also know that it is helpful to be grateful because I am living proof of this in college. It is really nice when someone believes in you or just says something nice to you like “Your hair looks really nice today”. It is the small things in life that we should hold near and dear to our heart. 

Getting Ahead of the Game

This week has been way more productive then compared to the rest of my weeks. I have been feeling like I have a little more control back in my grasp. I know have a little “me” time in the day. I can now sit down and do nothing or do something that I want to do rather than just doing homework all day, no break, go to sleep, get up and repeat the loop again until the weekend.

This weekend I decided to do some homework a head of time of when I would normally do it to see if I could make my day a little less stressful. On Monday nights I have all but two classes and my anatomy and physiology lab for six to nine at night. So Mondays are very stressful because there is so much happening in the twelve hours. Mondays are just the worst day in my week.

With working on homework a little bit over the weekend I am freeing sometime in my week so that I can study for my theology and anatomy and physiology exams that I have later in the week. Most of the time I will get assigned something else after I turn in a paper. It also frees up time for me to just watch a bad movie so I don’t have to be doing something that I have to use my brain for.

I feel like I am always doing homework so I think that I deserve time to something that I want to do other than just doing the things that are assigned to me. I am being to feel like the only thing that I have been doing is homework. So I think that doing something that doesn't require my brain is okay because if I cannot have time to relax I will end up going crazy.

I think that after I finish this blog entry that I am going to color in my lab book while watching the walking dead. I have to color all the bones in my lab notebook for a grade that’s due in a couple weeks. I want to get ahead of the game a little so when the time comes to turn it I am not rushing to finish it. I am going to watch the walking dead so I can be relaxing at the same time so it’s not so bad in the long run and I can catch up on the show too. 

Getting Back on Track

At the beginning of this week I started to feel a little overwhelmed with everything that I had to get done within this week. I started out trying to be on a positive note. It was nice being back on campus after being home for four days. It was kind of weird being back in my hometown after being on campus for a month straight. But at the same time I was still sort of missing home, my parents and my dog. I would find myself not doing homework that I would need to be doing but instead I would be day dreaming about being back home for Thanksgiving with my friends.

By Wednesday, I was back in my zone of doing homework in my free time. With just doing a little homework earlier in the week it caused my homework load for the rest of the week to be higher than normal days. I am still working on my homework for the week, but it is not as overwhelming as it was. I have a list of all the subjects that I still need to work on something for. Its times like this I am thankful that I have like three hours in between the two classes I have today. I also have all afternoon after lunch today to finish up what is left on my list.

 I am trying to get ahead of the game on homework as well for next week so that I am not so overwhelmed with it and so that I can have time to study for my human anatomy and physiology exam that is next Friday.  I am trying to bring my grade up in that class because I have a “C” in that class of right now. But more importantly my lab grade is put into that class at the end of the semester and I didn’t do so well on the mid-term. So if I bring my grade up in the lecture class then I can still pass the class in the end and I will not have to retake a science class next year.

I know that I can do anything that I put my mind to. I just have to keep telling myself that and things will get a little bit better and I can keep trucking along. I know that I can finish my homework today and I will be able to relax this weekend. 

Mid-Semester Break

I feel like this week was pretty good, there were a couple hiccup every now and again. With the week being only three days this week, I feel like there is so much being crammed in. We are all trying to rush around getting assignments and classes over with so there isn't so much that we have to do while we are back home on our four day break.

I know for me because we have Thursday and Friday off I was so excited that I started to slack off and put things off until the last possible second. Then I realized that I did not want to be doing homework while I am finally back at home seeing my family. I know that I will have to be doing some homework while I am there but I am not swamped in homework that has to be done.

I cannot wait to go home after my module at four p.m. It will take me three and half hours to drive back home to Friendswood. That’s in the Space Center area, where NASA is. Or for people who do not know where NASA is, I basically live in Galveston. Friendswood is basically in the middle of Houston and Galveston if you really want to get technical.

This long weekend is going to be even better because one of my really good friends, Hannah is coming home with me. She is from Montana so it is kind of hard for her to go home for the mid semester break. With Hannah coming home with me is going to make the whole weekend so much better because I would hate for her to have to sit all alone on campus while everyone else is at home with their families.

Another reason that cannot wait to get home is that I get to see my family. It has been like four or five weeks since I have seen my little sister and my grandparents. I will be nice to see my parents again. My best friend from high school is already planning out the weekend, I miss her so much!! We are going to go see some of our old high school teachers and do the things that she and I did when we were in high school just for old time’s sack. It is going to be awesome!!

Better week

This week is going pretty well. I feel that my transition is starting to smooth out. I am not as stressed out as I was a couple of weeks ago. I am not feeling like all of my homework is piling up and there is no way that I am going to finish it all. I had my lab mid-term on Tuesday which was very stressful.

Homework is not as bad anymore. I have a better idea of what is being asked of me. I have a better idea of what each day is going to be kind of like. I know what work has to be done on each day and about how long it will take to finish it. With all of this I have a better idea of what homework to do on each day so I do not end up a basket case stressing out.

The last couple of weeks I have felt as though I have been in the ocean trying to keep my head above the waves. I will have finished one assignment, and then I will remember that I have a paper to write or math problems that have to be done right here and now. That is when I feel like I was starting to drown as the wave start pounding down over me again and again.

This Tuesday I took my human anatomy and physiology lab mid-term. That was hell, never have I ever felt as though my best was not near enough to be good enough to pass or get a low “D”. First of all I have been stressing out about the test since the day that professor Wilson told us about it. Then I study, study and study my ass off for it and I am still not that confident about what I will get on it.

Then to top all of that I had a human anatomy and physiology exam today. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was still kind of nervous about it, but hopefully I get a sort of good grade on both my exam and my lab mid-term.

But over all my week has not been that bad. I have been just stressing about a couple things that are over now. Hopefully the rest of the week goes by smoothly and I will have time to relax this weekend.   

Mistakes

Mistakes have helped me by pushing me to wanting to succeed. Without mistakes I wouldn't have gotten to the place in my life that I am right now. If I didn't make any mistakes then I wouldn't have grown into the person that I am right now. Mistakes shape us and teach us what works and what doesn't work. They also help us to learn new skills that are helpful later down the road in life.

If it wasn't for all those nights of late night homework at the dinner table back in middle school to high school, I don’t think I would have gotten the chance to be where I am right now, college. School has always been something that didn't come easy for me. Being dyslexic made it even harder for me when most of my friends could do their homework within an hour and I was still on the first page of the assignment. If I didn't fight with my mom I wouldn't have found the drive to push myself even when I wanted nothing more to curl up in a ball and cry about it.

When I played soccer I was my own worst critic. I would get so mad at myself when every someone get passed me even if I caught them in the end and they didn't score. I would mental talk down to myself and say that it wouldn't happen again. In the end someone would get pass me and score because I was more forced on trying to be the best. I learned that I had to relax and just focus on what was happening and I would do so much better. After I learned that lesson, someone saw me play and I was invited to play in Holland with other boy and girls on the American team. That was so cool!! I quickly realized that I wasn't as good as I thought I was.

The overall lesson that I keep learning is that once I hit rock bottom that the only way that I can go is up. I will fight tooth and nail to get back to the point of okay, because I know that I can do it. Mistakes help me see that I can do anything and it’s okay to fail because it’s a reality check that we all need every now and then.