Higher Purpose

I feel that there is a higher purpose for my life. I’m not sure at this point what that purpose is, but I know that I will find what my purpose is. I am not going to rush figuring out what is my higher purpose in life; it will find me when it is time for me to know. I guess I could go on without every really knowing my higher purpose. Or in another way I could never know it but be living it without knowing that it is my higher purpose.

For the longest time I thought my higher purpose had to do with helping people. I always thought that I would even up in a career where I would be helping people. I have always put others feeling before my own.

I think that it shapes me in the way that I interact with other people. I always seem to find a way to make other people’s day better even when I am having a really horrible day. I want to help others in any way that I can. I don’t like seeing others in pain or being sad. At the same time I know that I can’t take all of their problems away. I want to at least show them that even when life is kicking you down that there is always something happy that can come from the situation.

My top strengths are honesty, perseverance, teamwork, curiosity, and kindness. With these strengths I can figure out what my higher purpose in life is. I have always been a very honest person, I was raised not to lie to people even it is to save face. It’s better to say the thing that everyone is thinking then to be the most liked person. With perseverance I will never give up when I am faced with a problem. Even when I struggle with a problem, I can hold on because I was raised to never ever give up. I love working in teams, I feel that I work best when I can use others to backboard ideas off. I feel that with teams bring out the best out of everyone on the team. I am a very curios person. When something doesn't make sense to I am the person to ask “why?”. I think that you should always be nice to others even when they have done wrong to you. With all of these strengths I know that I will figure out what the plan for my life is. 

Gratitude

If it wasn't for the people in my life I would not be to where I am today. Not only in the sense of being at Texas Lutheran but also in the sense of who I am today. Because of my family pushing me to grow and question life.

The person in whom I am most grateful for is my mom. If it wasn't for her I would probably be still be the small quiet girl in the corner who never questioned anything. I would as probably be back home at a community college because I was too scared to even apply to a university because there was no way that I could get into college.

My mom has always been the driving force behind me. When I was having trouble in school because of being dyslexic my mom was the person who would stay up throughout the night to help me with my homework. She is person who has instilled in me that I can do anything if I just put my mind to it. It’s all a matter of how you look at the problem.

On a daily basic I feel grateful for the friends that I have made for here. They have helped me through some tough situations while we have been here. They have been there whenever I needed something. I am pretty sure that if I hadn't befriended them that I would be going home at the end of this semester. And I know that I would be failing all of my classes.

I know that being grateful can help you be more successful in college. I know this because if we didn’t have something to be grateful then why do we try to be successful in life at all. I also know that it is helpful to be grateful because I am living proof of this in college. It is really nice when someone believes in you or just says something nice to you like “Your hair looks really nice today”. It is the small things in life that we should hold near and dear to our heart. 

Getting Ahead of the Game

This week has been way more productive then compared to the rest of my weeks. I have been feeling like I have a little more control back in my grasp. I know have a little “me” time in the day. I can now sit down and do nothing or do something that I want to do rather than just doing homework all day, no break, go to sleep, get up and repeat the loop again until the weekend.

This weekend I decided to do some homework a head of time of when I would normally do it to see if I could make my day a little less stressful. On Monday nights I have all but two classes and my anatomy and physiology lab for six to nine at night. So Mondays are very stressful because there is so much happening in the twelve hours. Mondays are just the worst day in my week.

With working on homework a little bit over the weekend I am freeing sometime in my week so that I can study for my theology and anatomy and physiology exams that I have later in the week. Most of the time I will get assigned something else after I turn in a paper. It also frees up time for me to just watch a bad movie so I don’t have to be doing something that I have to use my brain for.

I feel like I am always doing homework so I think that I deserve time to something that I want to do other than just doing the things that are assigned to me. I am being to feel like the only thing that I have been doing is homework. So I think that doing something that doesn't require my brain is okay because if I cannot have time to relax I will end up going crazy.

I think that after I finish this blog entry that I am going to color in my lab book while watching the walking dead. I have to color all the bones in my lab notebook for a grade that’s due in a couple weeks. I want to get ahead of the game a little so when the time comes to turn it I am not rushing to finish it. I am going to watch the walking dead so I can be relaxing at the same time so it’s not so bad in the long run and I can catch up on the show too. 

Getting Back on Track

At the beginning of this week I started to feel a little overwhelmed with everything that I had to get done within this week. I started out trying to be on a positive note. It was nice being back on campus after being home for four days. It was kind of weird being back in my hometown after being on campus for a month straight. But at the same time I was still sort of missing home, my parents and my dog. I would find myself not doing homework that I would need to be doing but instead I would be day dreaming about being back home for Thanksgiving with my friends.

By Wednesday, I was back in my zone of doing homework in my free time. With just doing a little homework earlier in the week it caused my homework load for the rest of the week to be higher than normal days. I am still working on my homework for the week, but it is not as overwhelming as it was. I have a list of all the subjects that I still need to work on something for. Its times like this I am thankful that I have like three hours in between the two classes I have today. I also have all afternoon after lunch today to finish up what is left on my list.

 I am trying to get ahead of the game on homework as well for next week so that I am not so overwhelmed with it and so that I can have time to study for my human anatomy and physiology exam that is next Friday.  I am trying to bring my grade up in that class because I have a “C” in that class of right now. But more importantly my lab grade is put into that class at the end of the semester and I didn’t do so well on the mid-term. So if I bring my grade up in the lecture class then I can still pass the class in the end and I will not have to retake a science class next year.

I know that I can do anything that I put my mind to. I just have to keep telling myself that and things will get a little bit better and I can keep trucking along. I know that I can finish my homework today and I will be able to relax this weekend. 

Mid-Semester Break

I feel like this week was pretty good, there were a couple hiccup every now and again. With the week being only three days this week, I feel like there is so much being crammed in. We are all trying to rush around getting assignments and classes over with so there isn't so much that we have to do while we are back home on our four day break.

I know for me because we have Thursday and Friday off I was so excited that I started to slack off and put things off until the last possible second. Then I realized that I did not want to be doing homework while I am finally back at home seeing my family. I know that I will have to be doing some homework while I am there but I am not swamped in homework that has to be done.

I cannot wait to go home after my module at four p.m. It will take me three and half hours to drive back home to Friendswood. That’s in the Space Center area, where NASA is. Or for people who do not know where NASA is, I basically live in Galveston. Friendswood is basically in the middle of Houston and Galveston if you really want to get technical.

This long weekend is going to be even better because one of my really good friends, Hannah is coming home with me. She is from Montana so it is kind of hard for her to go home for the mid semester break. With Hannah coming home with me is going to make the whole weekend so much better because I would hate for her to have to sit all alone on campus while everyone else is at home with their families.

Another reason that cannot wait to get home is that I get to see my family. It has been like four or five weeks since I have seen my little sister and my grandparents. I will be nice to see my parents again. My best friend from high school is already planning out the weekend, I miss her so much!! We are going to go see some of our old high school teachers and do the things that she and I did when we were in high school just for old time’s sack. It is going to be awesome!!

Better week

This week is going pretty well. I feel that my transition is starting to smooth out. I am not as stressed out as I was a couple of weeks ago. I am not feeling like all of my homework is piling up and there is no way that I am going to finish it all. I had my lab mid-term on Tuesday which was very stressful.

Homework is not as bad anymore. I have a better idea of what is being asked of me. I have a better idea of what each day is going to be kind of like. I know what work has to be done on each day and about how long it will take to finish it. With all of this I have a better idea of what homework to do on each day so I do not end up a basket case stressing out.

The last couple of weeks I have felt as though I have been in the ocean trying to keep my head above the waves. I will have finished one assignment, and then I will remember that I have a paper to write or math problems that have to be done right here and now. That is when I feel like I was starting to drown as the wave start pounding down over me again and again.

This Tuesday I took my human anatomy and physiology lab mid-term. That was hell, never have I ever felt as though my best was not near enough to be good enough to pass or get a low “D”. First of all I have been stressing out about the test since the day that professor Wilson told us about it. Then I study, study and study my ass off for it and I am still not that confident about what I will get on it.

Then to top all of that I had a human anatomy and physiology exam today. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was still kind of nervous about it, but hopefully I get a sort of good grade on both my exam and my lab mid-term.

But over all my week has not been that bad. I have been just stressing about a couple things that are over now. Hopefully the rest of the week goes by smoothly and I will have time to relax this weekend.   

Mistakes

Mistakes have helped me by pushing me to wanting to succeed. Without mistakes I wouldn't have gotten to the place in my life that I am right now. If I didn't make any mistakes then I wouldn't have grown into the person that I am right now. Mistakes shape us and teach us what works and what doesn't work. They also help us to learn new skills that are helpful later down the road in life.

If it wasn't for all those nights of late night homework at the dinner table back in middle school to high school, I don’t think I would have gotten the chance to be where I am right now, college. School has always been something that didn't come easy for me. Being dyslexic made it even harder for me when most of my friends could do their homework within an hour and I was still on the first page of the assignment. If I didn't fight with my mom I wouldn't have found the drive to push myself even when I wanted nothing more to curl up in a ball and cry about it.

When I played soccer I was my own worst critic. I would get so mad at myself when every someone get passed me even if I caught them in the end and they didn't score. I would mental talk down to myself and say that it wouldn't happen again. In the end someone would get pass me and score because I was more forced on trying to be the best. I learned that I had to relax and just focus on what was happening and I would do so much better. After I learned that lesson, someone saw me play and I was invited to play in Holland with other boy and girls on the American team. That was so cool!! I quickly realized that I wasn't as good as I thought I was.

The overall lesson that I keep learning is that once I hit rock bottom that the only way that I can go is up. I will fight tooth and nail to get back to the point of okay, because I know that I can do it. Mistakes help me see that I can do anything and it’s okay to fail because it’s a reality check that we all need every now and then. 

On my own

After each week I am feeling better about transitioning into college from high school. I am feeling like I can really start to stand on my own two feet. I know that I can do anything if I just keep my head up and my thoughts positive. This week I realized that I can do almost anything on my own, and when I can’t I have amazing support system that wants me to success in life. I can always go to them and ask for help when I need them.

This week I was starting to feel very overwhelmed with all the homework I was assigned and all the material that I need to study over for my Human Anatomy and Physiology Lab midterm that I have on Tuesday. I did the whole freak out dance for a day and then I realized that I was going to be fine after I went to the talk by Mary Steinhardt’s talk about stress and failure. She gave me a whole new way to look at failure. I am the person that freaks out about tests and exams; I really don’t like exams or tests. I had an exam, test or some kind of quiz this week for all of my classes this week.

I now tell myself that I can do it, I know the material and if I don’t make the best grade on the exam it’s not the end of the world. You can’t have success without failure. You have to know how it feels to fail to really get how awesome it feels to make a great grade on something.

I haven’t been doing very well in math for a couple weeks and I was at the point that I wanted to drop the class, but I talked to my peer mentor, Molly about it and she got me to realize that just because I’m not doing so well in the class right now doesn't mean that it will not get better later on. I just got out of my math class and it turns out that I got a 95 on a pop quiz! I am so excited, I just have to ask for help on things that I am having problems on and not just staring at the problems hoping that the answer will come to me.

I am feeling so much better about being a college student; I am making more friends, I am making better grades, I am learning to juggle work and scantily, and I am feeling better about myself!

The expected and unexpected

College isn't exactly what I thought it would be. I knew it would late nights, long classes and meeting new people. There were a lot of things that I wasn't expecting either. With what I was expecting and what I wasn't expecting, college is definably a whole new world for me.

With the long nights filled with homework, studying and trying to get thing in some kind of order so it’s a little bit easier to sleep at night. I am the kind of person that needs things into some kind of order so I know what is happening and how much time I have to do each thing. If things are all kinds of crazy in my world I don’t sleep well. Then at the same time I have eight am classes every day, so my sleep cycle isn’t the best. I feel like the classes in college are longer than they were in high school, I like that we don’t have the same class every day. With a certain class every other day, I feel like that we as student get a little extra time to do the homework that was assigned. I know that I have lots of homework that gets assigned, so if I have a little over a day to do it I feel a little less over whelmed about everything that was assigned. I enjoy meeting new people; I am not the best at it though. I am a very shy person at first, but get to know me I will talk to you all day. I wish I was better at making new friends.

When I thought of college when I was in high school I wasn't ready for really being so far away from home. I talk to my mom every day so I don’t feel so homesick. It also helps that my parents come up to see me every now and then. I wasn't expecting that my days would be as long as they are. I feel like my whole day is consumed of things that have to get done. I understand that it’s probably that my day is filled with things to do rather than having time when I am sitting around doing nothing.

College has things that I was aware of and things that I wasn't aware of. I think that’s a good thing because if I knew exactly what it was like then I wouldn't have to grow as much as a person. And its healthy when you have to grow.  

Better Transitioning

This week I feel like that I have transitioned much better than any other week so far. I am feeling a lot better about being in college. It still has its up and downs, but I think that I am feeling better about myself and how I can handle it.

I feel that I can handle things a lot better now because I have a great group of friends that I can go to and just turn to them when my day has not been the best. I have known most of these people before I started college. We have started to become each other’s support group; we eat together, we study together, we make sure that each of us gets our homework done.

Today is Wednesday and I do not have a crazy amount of homework left to do. I just have a few things left on my list of “homework that needs to get done”. I am trying to separate things by days. I do the homework that was assigned the day before so I am alternating subjects, so they stay fresh in my mind. I am also setting more goals for myself. Like when I finish my theology note card then I can have a snack or after I study my human anatomy and physiology I can go talk to my suite mate Sam about something. I now know that I need to relax or chill out and not freak out, that everything is going to be okay.

There is still downs or bumps in my week, like I didn't do so well on my human anatomy and physiology exam. I thought I did well on the exam but it turns out that I didn't do so great on it. That’s really depressing. What made it a little bit harder was that right after I got the test back my roommate came back to the dorm room and was so happy that she got an a on her psychology exam. I am happy for her, I really am but I am still sad that I didn't do as well on my exam.

I hope that next week is about the same but my test scores are better. I know that most of this is all based on how I handle things so I am trying to keep an open mind on things and to just to put a happy face when other people are trying to get me down. I am stronger than that, I can make it through college! 

Hospital Vist

This week my transition from high school was not the best week. It was not that it was bad; it just wasn't the best week of my college career.

I ended up the hospital on Friday night with a fever. I do not have a spleen so mu immune system isn't the best. So when I get a fever I have to go to the hospital to see what the problem is. At the hospital they just gave me Tylenol and sent me back to my dorm. 

Well the next day, Saturday my fever returned but stronger. My parents had driven up from Houston at this point. My mom called my doctor back in Houston to see what should happen next. He told us to go a different hospital in San Antonio. Which we did, they admitted me.

I stayed in that hospital from Saturday night to Tuesday afternoon. They ran all kind of tests and nothing came back positive on the tests. During this time my blood count had dropped so low that they were about to infuse me with blood. Just as they were about to, my count slowly started to increase. I have never had a blood transfusion before. 

After being discharged from the hospital, I came back to Texas Lutheran. I had so much homework that I needed to caught up on. It was at first very overwhelming, but all my professors have been very understanding about it. I really like that; it has helped me from going insane from all the work that piled up.

I am now feeling a lot better about the amount of homework that I still have left to do. I know that if I keep my mind to the task at hand and take breaks every now and then that I will stay clear headed. I hope that this next week coming up isn’t going to be crazy. I would really like a week of easy going. I know that college is more work; I just hope to get the hang of it soon. Even if it doesn’t I know that I can do it. I can do anything that I put my mind to.

Confidence

Confidence, sometimes I don’t have much confidence and other times I can be very confident in myself. I think it all depends on how I am feeling, how the day is going and what the problem at hand is.

When it comes to taking test and exams in school, doesn't matter if it’s in college or even in high school. I start to have small panic attacks and telling myself that I can’t pass the class and that I am not smart enough to make a good grade on the test. Another time when I am very unconfident about my abilities is when I come into a new place; I become the quietest person in the room. I love talking but I can’t bring myself to go up to someone and start a conversation to save my life.

After I start warming up to people and get to know them I can and will talk your ear off. I will talk to you about any subject under the sun. I am not afraid after I get to know you, we will become best friends. When it comes to tests and exams, after I figure out what is going to be on them, I will not be so nervous and anxious about failing the class. I will not talk down to myself. I will start getting kind of cocky about it, but then I will fail a quiz and then I will find the balance of studying.

Ways in which I can improve my confidence is in breathing deep breathes when studying. Another is not loading myself down with studying or in what I need or more like what I would like to complete for the day. I need learn to set more realistic goals in what homework I want to finish for that day. I need to be taking more breaks in my days, so I am more relaxed and not stressed out. It is like the end of the fourth week of college.

These goals should not be too hard to be able to be done. It is just going to be a matter of accomplishing them. This is going to take a couple of weeks to make them habits. I know that if I just keep telling myself that I can that I can do it and keep a clear head that I will be able to accomplish every single one of my goals.

Homesickness

This week in college I do not feel like that I am transitioning very well from high school to college. It has been really hard being like two hundred miles away from home.

I think why my transitioning this week is being so rough is because I am really homesick. I am really close to my mom; we talk every day at least twice a day. My mom is my best friend. She knows when I am upset and exactly what to say to make me feel better.

The other reason I think that my homesickness is so bad, is that I have not really found my place here at Texas Lutheran. The only person that I really hang out with is Hannah, and I knew her before we started. She and I both went to LSSA, Lone Star Scholar Academy. This was here, at Texas Lutheran, like two summers ago.

If it was not for her, I believe that I would be way more homesick then I am now. We are both are huge Doctor Who fans, so we can sit in her room for hours on end and just talk about any Doctor Who episode. That is what we end up doing after we cannot see straight anymore from all the homework we have done.

I really hope that next week I feel better about my transition for high school to college. I don’t like feeling like I am not quite getting something that everyone else is getting. I am just going to have to keep my head up high and hope that everything is smoother next week. I guess time is the only way to tell, and it is not that far away really since today is Wednesday night. I am just going to have to make the best of the rest of what I have left of this week, which is not that much.

Focus

Focusing has been something that I can either do really well at or I just cannot focus at all! On the days that I can focus, I feel awesome! I will be rocking and rolling in whatever that the task at hand is. But on the other days, which is a lot of days now. I think it is that I just can’t get into the groove of things. Hopefully I can get to that point soon. It’s not like my homework isn't getting done, it is just that I am beginning to feel that my homework is never ending.

Things that distract me are like my cell phone; even though I never get text messages, my to-do list of all the homework that keeps piling up, my obsession to finish all of the Doctor Who that’s on Netflix, and being homesick has to be the most distracting thing for me.

To minimize distractions I am going to try to study in a quieter area, try not to look at my phone so much and probably try to put my cell phone in a drawer or my backpack. I am going to have to not look at my to-do list so much, to check on what homework I have left. As for my Doctor Who obsession, I am just going to have to just sit down and watch the rest of the last season; I have like one more episode left to watch.  Then for the homesickness, I am just going to have to just call my mom more often.

How I plan to maximize my focus is that I am going to have to focus more on what I am working on right at the moment. I am going to have to try to keep working on things when I want nothing more to just crawl into bed and sleep for like twelve hours straight.  

Perseverance

My perseverance will help me when I am swamped with homework from all my classes. Like tonight I have so much homework. There is so much that I just want to cry. And it takes me twice as long to do something then it would for my roommate. I know that’s something that is going to be a normal thing that I am in college now. I think the only reason that it is so overwhelming is because it is only the second week. I just have to keep telling myself that I can do it. I can do anything that gets thrown at me. I just have to keep moving forward.

                I always had to work harder than the average person, because I have dyslexia. It is something that I have had since I was in second grade, so it is something that makes me who I am. It’s not something that I am ashamed of. Most people do not understand how I can be so open about being dyslexic. And I would rather be truthful about who I really am and that’s something that makes me who I am.

                With being dyslexic it has taught me to have passion or to put passion into everything that I do. I cannot just halfway do something. If I end up doing something halfway I don’t learn anything, and what is the point of something if you don’t learn anything from it. And what is the point of doing something when you did not learn anything from it. So when I put my whole self in everything that I do then it sticks with me longer then if I just half way do it.

                I try to find some way to find passion in everything that I do not just for my schooling but in my everyday life as well. So being dyslexic has actually helped me in a roundabout way of forcing me to put my all in everything that I do. It really is a blessing in disguise if you think about it long and hard. I have never been ashamed about being dyslexic; lots of famous people are as well. I am really thankful for it; it has shaped me into who I am today. 

Diana Nyad

Setting a world record would have taken all kind of mental toughness. That’s not something that you can do without a plan or even some kind of planning ahead of time. That is something that takes years and years of training to achieve. That is something that you have to keep picking up yourself after each time when you do not quite make it. You have to have really great perseverance to set a world record.

Diana Nyad showed the world that it’s never too late to do the unthinkable over this Labor Day weekend. This lady swam from Cuba’s shore to Florida’s shore. That’s 110 miles, without a shark cage to protect her, in 52 hours. In doing that she set a world record. Oh and I forgot to mention that she is 64 years old. That’s amazing! She has to have had awesome perseverance to keep trying after failing.

I do not know any people that would swim in the open water between Cuba and Florida without any from not just sharks but anything else that is in the water. I mean we do not know what is all in our oceans. And at the same time I do not anyone who can swim nonstop for 52 hours. That is super dangerous if you think about all the things that could possible go wrong. That would scary me, not knowing what could happen to me out in the middle of the ocean. I can also see why Ms. Nyad would want to make it not only for the world record but to show everyone that it can be done.

She is an inspiration to girls everywhere, showing us that no matter your age you can still do amazing things with your life. This shows me that even though I am not really anyone important in this world, that I can still do something amazing or earth shattering. That my name can be maybe someday be known for doing that no one thought was possible.  Her world record will always be something that will help me to keep trying when all I want to do is give up.

High School to College

High school and college are very different in not only way but in many ways. For starters a couple things that are pretty obvious like you are living on campus of the school (for most students), Mom and Dad aren’t here, and you are sharing almost everything with someone else and sometimes multiple people, and many more.

                Living on campus means that you are the boss of what happens in your day, for some people that is a good thing and for others it’s not. That means it’s your job to make sure that you are out of bed at 7 am, if you need an hour to get really for that 8 am class that you convinced yourself was a smart idea to take. You may have an awesome roommate or suitemate that has to be out of the door at the same time that will help you get that kick start to get there on time or even early. Or that could mean that you have to know how much sleep you have to have so you will not be a grumpy old man (or woman) in the morning.

                Mom and Dad are not there, some of us are jumping for joy at that thought. (I know I am!! (Sorry Mom!)) It’s not that we don’t love them, but independence is something that everyone has to learn so we are not living at home forever (which my Mom would love).  I am sure that for other it is harder for other being so far away (or just away from home).

                Sharing; for some that’s an easy thing but for others that’s the one thing that wasn’t something that was learned in kindergarten. Like they would rather cut off their right hand before they would willing share. Hey that’s cool, everyone is different. And I will agree that there is a line on what should be shared and what should not be shared! Like for me don’t touch my tea and we will be great friends. The thing that I have found to be most helpful when it came to sharing is just be straight forward with the people your living with. Because face it if you can not be straight forward or truthful with those people then the next year or semester is going to more difficult than it will need be. 

Mental Toughness

To me “mental toughness” is you pushing yourself to finish that last assignment even though you don’t feel like doing it after rewriting it for the seventeenth time that night. It’s the voice in the back of your mind that keeps you from getting up from your desk when you want nothing more than to be anywhere but there studying. If I didn't have mental toughness I wouldn't have made it to Texas Lutheran University. I’m dyslexic, so I need a lot of mental toughness to help me keep up with everyone else. For interstice this paper is going to make me twice as long to write in the correct way then it would take my roommate.  I have to have mental toughness to keep at it, so I can finish not only both posts but all of my other homework that I have. If it wasn't for mental toughness I think I would have thrown my computer out of the window multiple times in just this past night.

No, I don’t think that only athletes understand the importance of having strong mental toughness. Athletes are not the only people that have to have strong mental toughness, there are people that have never played a sport in their life. Those people have learned the importance in other ways, which has caused them to stay strong when they needed it the most.  I’m not saying that athletes don’t have great mental toughness, because they have to use their mental toughness when they are pushing their selves to the limit at a practice or during a game. Athletes and non-athletes both need high mental toughness for everything that they do. Everyone has different levels of mental toughness. Some people have very high mental toughness that helps them get though everything. And others have very low mental toughness that causes them to give up more quickly than the others. Mental toughness is something that can be learned to become stronger over time if you keep pushing yourself to keep going even when you think you can go no farther. But you will find that you will be a better person in the long run.